Achieve Success Through Understanding Behavioral Styles
Have you ever been frustrated with co-workers who are not like you? Maybe they are too slow or too detailed? Or maybe the opposite? Understanding behavioral styles is important when interacting with others in a beneficial way, especially in the workplace. Not only does this grasp of personality styles allow you to understand yourself better, but it allows for greater and more productive interactions with others. A prominent model of the four main communication styles is the DiSC model (standing for dominant, influence, steadiness, and conscientiousness). One can be categorized as a mix of a couple of the four styles, all of which have their own benefits. However, when met with resistance, these unique styles can also cause struggles in communication.
I had the opportunity to work with a hard-working, intelligent man whose personality style was that of a high “D”, meaning he was direct, goal-oriented, and decisive. For the sake of anonymity, I will refer to him as Michael. Michael’s employer saw his potential, so he came to me in hopes that Michael and I could work together to tone down the more negative aspects of his highly dominant personality. Michael was very aware that some of his dominant tendencies came across as “bulldozing” and too aggressive, and this was hurting not only his team, but himself. He was ready to grow his emotional intelligence and make a change that would help him in the long term.
To start, Michael needed to learn how to understand others. He often became impatient with his coworkers because he is smart, fast and driven to get results right away. His team was not this way. Some were more methodical and thoughtful – they needed more data. Over time, Michael learned how to understand their point of view by slowing down, asking questions, and listening. I invited him to practice curiosity statements such as “walk me through” or “help me understand.” His favorite statement quickly became “tell me more...” Michael began to track every moment he utilized a curiosity statement and would observe its outcome. Six months later, he noticed that others were starting to soften to him more, and they even became more open about what they were thinking.
To slow down and become curious, Michael needed to first catch himself when he started to feel aggressive and had the urge to fight. As humans, when we feel threatened, it is our nature to go into fight, flight, or freeze. “D’s” on the DiSC profile tend to fight. To mitigate this response and start to slow down, Michael used a technique called box-breathing. This technique requires one to breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, and hold for four once again. Box-breathing is helpful to use when the body gets excited and activates your amygdala, dropping cortisol and adrenals. This drop translates to the body as an emergency and tells it to react in either fight, flight, or freeze.
Michael realized that when he got excited and lost control of his amygdala, his go-to was to fight, which usually caused those around him to take flight. This breathing exercise, however, helped Michael communicate to his brain that he was fine. He tracked the results of this technique and realized that when he just took time to breathe, it created a space that allowed others to say what they wished. Michael was also quick to notice that he rarely had that fight response anymore, allowing him to better understand and communicate with his team members.
After six months of practicing and tracking, the usage of these tools became more of a habit for Michael. During our final wrap up, the results were truly phenomenal. His team members communicated a newfound trust in him and were actively noticing his improvement. According to them, he had begun asking great questions, showing a bright curiosity, and still getting a lot done as a team, which is what Michael (as a high “D”) wanted in the first place.
Michael is a strong example of what you can do if you truly want to try to understand your coworkers. Michael had to be aware and pay attention, even if he wanted to revert to his past communication habits. He trained his mind to maintain his dominant energy yet was able to tone it down enough to not be aggressive. With the great work that Michael has done over this past year, his emotional intelligence is going to benefit the company even more in the long run. Not only was Michael able to keep his hard-working, fast-paced energy, but he was able to gain significant trust from his coworkers, which is the foundational quality a team needs to succeed.