The Art of Generous Listening for Leaders.

Leaders communicate a lot. Part of communication is listening. In my coaching, I have the privilege of leading people into the art of generous listening. When leaders listen generously, they hear their teams, and the culture shifts to one of curiosity and growth.

What is generous listening? First and foremost, generous listening is powered by curiosity. It also involves a kind of vulnerability, a willingness to be surprised. There is a space to let go of assumptions and accept ambiguity. The attitude of the listener is a desire to understand the “humanity behind the words of the other.” (1)

I have worked with many leaders across the world, and those who enter into generous listening have stronger teams that get more done. It is no wonder why. A recent report by McKinsey (5) stated that employees want more than anything to feel valued by their manager, to feel valued by their organization, to have a sense of belonging at work, to be part of a caring and trusting team, to have potential for advancement, and to believe in the purpose of the business and their work.

The root of feeling valued is to be heard. To be truly heard is to be known.

To achieve this, leaders must ask generous questions. Questions elicit answers in their likeness. It is hard to transcend a combative question, and it is hard to resist a generous question. I know that we all have within us the ability to ask questions that invite dignity and truth. 

Let me share an example. (The names in this example have been altered for the sake of privacy.) I have been working with Sara, a leader of sales at a global company. She is incredibly frustrated with one of her leaders, Jack, for lack of follow-through. It is Sara’s habit to blow up and demand results. Her team is constantly on edge. When she agreed to adapt generous listening, she uncovered Jack’s reasons for his lack of follow-through, and she learned that he is also concerned about his results. She learned what it would take to help him succeed. The result is that Jack felt heard for the first time. If Sara can keep this up, he will start to feel valued.

This is how Sara approached this. First, she put her anger aside. She approached him when she was not emotional. She then asked a curiosity-based question. “Jack, these numbers are below our goal. Can you help me understand what is happening?”  This opened the door for Jack to explain. Sara worked on remaining curious through the entire conversation.

TOOLS

Here is a list of curiosity-based questions you can use. This list is derived from the work of author and professor Brené Brown, and business leader Stephen M.R. Covey.

I’m curious about…

Tell me more about…

I didn’t experience it this way… 

I’m wondering…

Walk me through…

Tell me about your passion around this…

Tell me why this doesn’t fit/work for you.

What problem are we trying to solve?

Can you clarify? 

What did you mean by….  I’m not sure I understand the context.

Tell me more about…

Here is what I see…

Can you help me understand…

This is what I assume based on what I am seeing…

Sources 1 and 2

SILENCERS                                           CURIOSITY DRIVEN    

Yes, but                                               Yes, and

That will never work                           What if we tried this?

I don’t see that happening                 How might we do this?

We can’t do that                                 Tell me more                          
Source 3

 These types of questions will build trust. It is easier to build a culture where people feel valued, feel like they are part of a caring and trusting team, and have a sense of belonging at work when there is trust. In an article in the Harvard Business Review, Stephen M.R. Covey and Doug R. Conant quote information from the annual list of the “100 Best Companies to Work For.” Their research shows that “trust between managers and employees is the primary defining characteristic of the very best workplaces” and that companies with high levels of trust “beat the average annualized returns of the S&P 500 by a factor of three.” (4 )

I encourage you to try these phrases. As always, please reach out if you have any questions.

Sources
1. Tippet Krista, Becoming Wise

2. Brown, Brené, Dare to Lead

3. Hirsh, Joe, Feedforward

4. Harvard Business Review, On Emotional Intelligence, Stephen MR Covey

5. McKinsey and Co Report, https://www.mckinsey.com/business-functions/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/great-attrition-or-great-attraction-the-choice-is-yours